There are a bunch of geese, and I normally hate geese.

NARRATOR: Why do so many of us ache with loneliness... ARI ROSSEN: I feel like I'm losing my mind.

NARRATOR: ...while others figure out how to stay connected?

I'm always open to see people.

NARRATOR: Meet the people who figured out how to stay connected during the isolation of the COVID pandemic, and they're still using what they learned... MRS.

HILL: To meet people, see life.

NARRATOR: ...even as researchers warn that more and more of us feel alone.

I saw the findings-- I was blown away.

This is huge.

ANNOUNCER: Loneliness can isolate anyone.

One connection can change that.

United Church Homes proudly supports "All The Lonely People" on public television.

ANNOUNCER: Support provided by the National Adult Protective Services Association, dedicated to protecting older and vulnerable adults.

(traffic humming) (sirens wailing in distance) TONY WESTBROOK: Maria von Trapp said, "Let's start at the very beginning."

♪ Uh, let's see-- well, my name is Tony Westbrook, I'm 59 years old, and everybody who knows me thinks I'm upbeat, outgoing, and how could I feel lonely?

We're all actors.

♪ Hi, um, my name is Khiloud.

I am 17 years old.

My loneliness was basically, like, a big chunk of my life.

♪ PAULA: It's just the two of us.

ANDREA: That's not what we are as people.

We aren't just one relationship.

PAULA: ...but we might be able to network with somebody.

♪ (siren blaring in distance) ARI: Loneliness is a huge aspect of just surviving here from day to day.

♪ PETER: Mrs.

Hill, do you ever feel lonely?

MRS.

HILL: Yes, very lonely.

PETER: Yeah?

Yeah.

- Makes it worse, living where we live.

♪ VICTOR: I spent the best part of two years nursing my wife at the end.

And when it was all over, I knew hardly anybody.

♪ I'm 77 years old.

I have been in bed now six years.

I know what it is to be lonely, but I get out of it real quick.

♪ CARLA PERISSINOTTO: I started becoming interested in loneliness and isolation over ten years ago, when it was a little topic.

You know, I'm a geriatrician.

I take care of older adults.

But I think you're getting a little vacation.

PERISSINOTTO: And I actually see people in my own neighborhood that are practically my neighbors.

(laughing): Yeah, I know.

You see such a tiny fraction of people's lives when you see them in the doctor's office.

You go in someone's home, totally different situation.

Hey, Virginia.

How's it going today?

PERISSINOTTO: I've been really humbled by my understanding of loneliness and isolation as an academic and intellectual, and then really seeing it firsthand and experiencing it.

When was the last time you actually went out?

VIRGINIA: '16, 2016.

- 2016 was the last time you were able to... - Maybe 2006-2007, somewhere after that.

- But then in 2015 is when you... - Had the heart attack.

- ...had a heart attack, and then since then, it's been hard... It just... It just made it very real and very palpable.

(traffic humming, car horns honking) But I am humbled by the resilience I see.

♪ CAROL: I have been in this bed six years.

Yeah, six years.

PERISSINOTTO: Carol has this internal persona that doesn't allow herself to feel lonely.

I don't know how you do it sometimes, Carol.

- (chuckling): You know, I think it's the mood, the mood that people be in.

Some people are moody, you know what I mean?

And they, they just don't want to see nobody sometimes.

Me, I'm always open to see people, or speak to them, or laugh and talk with them.

PERISSINOTTO: It's people like her that remind me of some of the meta-analyses that look at why interventions work.

Some of the strongest evidence is for... You know, to not get too technical, but it's about that inner peace that we do is work.

Like, our inner part in terms of how we feel about ourselves, how we feel about our relationship in the world.

That is probably part of why she does well.

Um, you know, there's no... There's no pill equivalent for that.

I just can't stand moody people.

But that's the way they are, and you can't change them.

So... STU MADDUX: What about people in general?

- People in general are usually my friends.

(car horns honking) (wind howling) MAN (on radio): And officials believe they can contain it.

The state has been updating the number of tests daily.

As of Thursday afternoon, 59 patients have been tested.

In other coronavirus news, Anchorage schools... PAULA: In the three years since my wife has been diagnosed with autoimmune disease, um, she's never been in remission.

I am Andrea's caregiver, and I'm her sole caregiver.

There you go.

- Yeah, I made it.

- Okay.

ANDREA: It's a small backwoods area of the world, and it really hasn't accepted that people can be a little different.

PAULA: There are a lot of pickup trucks that scream, "I don't like you, I'm not going to tolerate you."

You know, and so I'm afraid.

ANDREA: People tend to introduce us as the sisters, and we just don't correct people.

MADDUX: How does that affect how you make friends and build a support group?

There isn't.

- There isn't a support group, and there aren't really friends.

(people talking inside) ANDREA: And that's part of what made it so difficult for us.

We grew as a couple well, but we didn't grow into our community, because we weren't really welcomed in our community.

(people talking in background) PAULA: I was never on the PTA.

There was just no way.

You know, it wasn't... It wasn't like I was going to be on the school board.

MADDUX: Why do you stay?

- It's beautiful.

- It's home.

PAULA: It's home.

ANDREA: And I don't know that it matters whether it's difficult if it's home.

KAREN FREDRIKSEN-GOLDSEN: We have found LGBTQ people are at greater risk of social isolation and loneliness.

And part of it is that many of the LGBTQ older adults have really had to hide their lives.

This leaves people very vulnerable, without a safety net.

JOE APPLEBAUM: So, if you ever needed help, I mean, what would you do?

I'm... Got no clue.

♪ (sheep bleating) PETER: So, Shropshire, I mean, people say it's... Well, it is, it's the, the biggest inland county in, in the country.

Mrs.

Hill lives out in a village called Eaton Constantine.

(kettle bubbling) She goes to the supermarket.

Her husband's disabled.

She's his sole carer.

♪ Here we are.

(directional clicking) So, have you been all right, Mrs.

Hill?

MRS.

HILL: Yes, thank you, as, about right as I'll ever be, you know.

PETER: Yeah.

- Yeah, I hate being old, hate it.

- Yeah.

- Just get on with it, people can't do anything about it.

- Well, that's right.

Yeah, yeah.

And I suppose if you can, if there, there are some good bits, then make the most of them.

- There are what, say?

- If there are some good bits, then enjoy them, you know?

Like, if you enjoy food... - Yes, if you can find any good bits-- I can't.

(both laugh) We live in a very rural county, and it's, it's, people get isolated very easily.

A generation of older women didn't ever learn to drive.

He was the driver.

So now, she's stuck.

MADDUX: How many Mrs.

Hills are there in Shropshire?

- Thousands, thousands.

MRS.

HILL: Like I said, I go out for three hours twice a week... ...to meet people, see a building, see life.

(people talking in background) (cart wheels clattering) (people talking in background) Yes, I have a friend, and he used to say, "Don't get old."

- Sorry?

- I have a friend, and he used to say, "Don't get old."

- No, it's horrible.

- But then I said, "But what am I supposed to do?"

You know?

- Yeah, believe me, it's horrible.

Horrible.

- (laughing) Ah.

- Yeah, I used to hear people say, "Oh, it's lovely when you get old, you can do what you like," and all that.

And it's not... The first fortnight or month, it is.

- (laughs) - But then... - Yeah.

- ...you see how horrible it is.

- Yeah.

- Well, that's my opinion.

It might not be everybody's.

- Yeah.

- But that, that's just mine, you know?

- Yeah.

- I don't say I'm wrong... - No.

- ...I'm right or wrong.

- Yeah.

- It's just my opinion.

- Yeah.

Fair enough.

- I hate it.

- Yeah.

JANET MORRISON: We all experience loneliness, but acceptance is quite important, because I've met older people who are not very happy because they are thinking about what their life used to be like or ought to be like.

And that kind of true for lots of people of all ages, you know?

WOMAN (on TV): There are reports that the government is going to be asking people over the age of 70 to self-isolate, to stay at home.

MAN (on TV): Yes, it's clearly in the action plan.

The thing that we're saying today is that we need a national effort also to help prepare the NHS.

(man continues faintly) - Oh, I'm... Just desperate!

Desperate-- all of those people.

It won't bother me personally, because I've still got my car, I can still drive.

But all of those people, all of the Mrs.

Hills of this, this, this country, who are going to be left without their lifeline.

♪ (siren blaring in distance) ♪ TONY: My apartment is probably the size of your kitchen, but it's New York, so you take that into consideration.

I came out here to try to be a, a Broadway performer.

Lookit, now I'm on Broadway.

♪ They say the neon lights are bright ♪ TONY: I believe we all need somebody to talk us out of it from time to time.

Talk us out of, "I'm going to sit here and be lonely."

But, you know... TONY: Sometimes just take a step, make a phone call.

Uh, talk me out of it, uh, let's meet for coffee.

It's breaking that, that silence.

But a lot of it is self-induced silence.

Does that make sense?

HARRY STYLES (on computer): I've been mixing up the Sara Lee Instagram account with my... TONY: And a mutual friend was going through the same thing.

We've made a choice to live here in New York City, where there's millions of people.

(Chopin's "Fantaisie-Impromptu" playing) My name is Ari Rossen, and I'm a writer-performer in New York.

There's over 600 people in my building.

I might know four or five people.

TONY: You know how, when somebody will say to me, it's, like, "And how can you be lonely when there's people all around you, and..." You've seen that, like, even in, in "Carrie," when she's, like, in the gym scene... - (laughs): What?

- ...and everyone's trying to help her, reaching out to these people, and they're, like, all recoiling.

It's... I feel invisible.

- Well, yeah, I mean... - Do you ever feel that?

It's like you're invisible in a city of thousands.

- Well, yeah, I walk out of my... - Yeah.

ARI: I walk out of my apartment, and there are so many people... (people talking in background) ...I'm actively trying to block out feeling loneliness or disconnection.

All I want is reliable, dependable connection with other people.

And the only reliable thing is the internet.

♪ VICTOR: Greetings.

My name is Victor.

This is a small snapshot of my life.

Because I'm so much of a, a loner, and wrapped up in a tight little ball, away from everybody... ...I've discovered the hardest thing of all is to motivate yourself to move.

On the day it happens, loneliness starts off really bad.

It doesn't matter how many family or close friends you've got around you.

(sighs) How can I describe it?

The ponds are like a photo album of memories.

Because you can look at a fish and you think, "Yeah, I remember when we bought that."

♪ My son just does his own thing.

After she died, it was a massive change towards me.

He's aged 28.

He comes in and out when he wants.

I can't see me making a new circle of friends.

MORRISON: Let's say an older man, his partner dies.

That's the important point at which you need to intervene, because research that we did at Independent Age showed that they've lost both the emotional core of that significant relationship, but often women in marriage are the social connector.

(record playing in background) So it's a double whammy.

VICTOR: No.

Anything that deals with emotions, men seem to be, uh, very backward in coming forward.

(laughs) (water flowing) ♪ KHILOUD: I think my loneliness was kind of, like, a state of mind.

It wasn't physical, because I was surrounded by people.

I think it started when I was in primary school.

I came to this country, didn't speak a word of English, um, and I found it really hard to make friends, clearly.

I didn't know how to speak, I... Everyone just seemed really scary and big, and, um, I ended up getting bullied for a couple of years.

That was fun.

So then, after that, I decided that people were mean and scary and that I didn't want to socialize, because being alone and living my life, not interacting with people, just seemed like such an easy way to just live.

(exhales) And if I had to say why I did that, why I decided to put myself in a position of being lonely, was because I didn't think of myself as a person.

I thought of myself as this, this little ant, and I just had to sort of get out of the way and just try to be invisible and avoid not getting being... Not getting stepped on, basically.

So, that was my life.

(laughing) Um, it sounds so sad, now that I'm saying it out loud, but that's, that's what it was like.

Yeah, and then it got to the point where... KHILOUD: I think that's why me and Humayra are close friends, as well, because we're both, like, introverts.

HUMAYRA (chuckling): Kind of my entire childhood was around being lonely.

(talking indistinctly) Yeah, and then I remember going to a school and me and my brothers, we, like, we were just, like, three out of five brown people in the entire school.

(both laugh) And there's obviously... We personally don't like to use the term "best friends forever" because it's really cheesy, but... - Oh, we're best friends forever.

Yeah, we're, we're really close.

We're like that.

JULIANNE HOLT-LUNSTAD: In our youth, we are building relationships and our social networks are getting larger.

And then, as we age, those start to shrink a little bit.

It's important to maintain those relationships, and at any point in time in life, it's not too late to build new relationships.

(talking in background) MICHELLE LIM: Most people would say, "Oh, just make a friend."

Those things don't always work, because everyone's reason for feeling lonely could be quite different.

So there's no one-size-fits-all solution.

KHILOUD: I have almost no good memories in primary school.

And that is actually not doing justice to what loneliness and isolation are as a human phenomenon.

♪ They are way too complex to say, "Yep, here's your one answer."

The cause of that loneliness isn't easily just replaced by a new friend.

♪ You have to understand the pathway if you're going to build an intervention.

Not every intervention's going to work for every person if they took a different pathway to loneliness.

Some people are always lonely.

They have been lonely since they were children.

- (laughing, talking indistinctly) My dad was in the military, and we moved back and forth between Kansas and Virginia.

♪ They were always moving.

I felt very lonely and isolated, but at the time, I kind of didn't know what those words were.

♪ As an adult, I see how, um, how lonely I was.

♪ (classical piece playing) ARI: I chose the piano over people.

(piece continues) It understood me on a really deep level.

It was like a, it was like my... It was the only friend that I could trust to stick around.

ARI: So, don't... So, this is what I mean, is... ARI: You get to sit behind this huge shield, all the, the parts of the piano, on a bench, and you're protected.

Yes?

Can I get a yes?

KIDS: Yes.

- Great.

ARI: What that did, though, was, it made me, um, mostly lonely.

(Chopin's "Fantaisie-Impromptu" playing) (cars passing) VICTOR: I had a really crap childhood, which caused a hell of a lot of my loneliness.

Used to get pushed around and bullied.

Everybody used you as a punch bag.

You never felt confident to open your mouth and speak up.

It's followed you right through till today.

Christmas.

It's just another day.

MADDUX: Are you going to celebrate it in any way?

Mm... I'm going to meet up with an old friend of mine called Jack.

Um... Jack Daniel's.

MADDUX: On Christmas?

- Yep.

MADDUX: Starting at?

- Oh, I should think when the eyelids open.

(laughs) (people talking and laughing in background) CAROL: I always had a way to make myself happy, because I was the only child.

I would, you know, play by myself.

It didn't bother me.

MADDUX: Do you think that made for a life where you could be alone more easily?

- I think so-- I think so.

I got married.

That didn't work.

I just wasn't the marrying type.

(laughing) I was terrible.

But anyway, um, I have a friend that complains about loneliness all the time.

And I tell her, "You know, you need to pray, you need Jesus," you know?

(laughs) MADDUX: Do you think faith is a cure to loneliness?

CAROL: Yes, it is.

You could have faith in that little dog that'd keep you content, or a cat.

It doesn't have to be religious faith.

ARI: The living being that I talk to most on a daily basis is my cat.

Really is all about you.

HOLT-LUNSTAD: The effects seem to be stronger in dogs, and the hypotheses behind that might be that dogs require you to walk them.

(man talking softly) PAULA: Yeah!

HOLT-LUNSTAD: Which means you actually get outside the house and you might see other people.

PAULA: This is cold this morning.

HOLT-LUNSTAD: Other people may be more likely to talk to you because of... The dog serves as somewhat of a benefit.

(collars jingling) (people talking in background) MORRISON: Through life, we build up a convoy of relationships.

But, at certain points, you go through transitions or change in your life, which puts your convoy at risk.

And that might be leaving school.

It might be becoming a caregiver, becoming a mother.

And at those points, what you need is some support to prevent you from falling into a long term of loneliness that feels unsolvable.

PAULA: I went in for a, just a routine knee replacement and came out with a spinal cord injury.

I guess I could quote the doctors.

"We don't know how long you're going to be able to walk, but we know there'll be a point where you won't."

(wind howling) I can cry, I can get mad, or I can laugh.

I'd rather laugh.

Oh, I got a good one!

- Oh, dear.

- I wanted to be a stand-up comedian, but I got a spinal cord injury.

- (laughing) PAULA: I try to be a pain in the ass, but I can't feel it.

ANDREA: The isolation is even more complete because of, like I said, because of the disabilities.

Because honestly, base poverty is a big problem.

All of those things make it, make so much of life taken up with just the day-to-day, "How do we get by?

How do we get everybody to have enough calories?"

PAULA: We, we really don't have any friends.

ANDREA: And some of it's our fault.

PAULA: I had, I had people from work who were acquaintances.

I didn't want to do another thing with people I was with for eight, ten hours a day.

Um, so I can understand where the people that we knew prior to this, it didn't... They're not really going to come by and visit and stuff like that, because we weren't close then, what would make them be close during times that are really rough?

As being the primary caregiver, it's going to get more and more difficult to get just the basics done.

ANDREA: If somebody says, "Well, you have each other, how can you possibly be lonely?"

(clock pendulum swinging) But that's not what we are as people.

We aren't just one relationship.

Loneliness isn't about whether there's somebody with a pulse in the same house.

(clock pendulum swinging) FREDRIKSEN-GOLDSEN: I do want to differentiate between loneliness and social isolation.

Social isolation is really the number of people in your network.

But loneliness is the difference between what people really hope for and what they have.

For some people, solitude is not lonely.

Loneliness is what is really associated with very serious health consequences.

MRS.

HILL: Loneliness feels... You keep wishing things are different than what they are, you know.

Keep... I wish I lived in, nearer the town.

If you've got a car, it's not so bad.

But if you haven't, it's hell.

Sheer hell.

Do you ever wish you'd learned to drive?

MRS.

HILL: Well, yes.

Years ago, you listened to the husband.

The woman didn't have a say in anything.

Now, you're too young to know that.

PETER: Yeah.

(object clattering) MRS.

HILL: I've got a lid somewhere.

You see, in my day, men were the bosses.

- (chuckles) - They're not... Yeah.

And I wanted to, I... - I never.

- I wanted to drive, and he said, "I shouldn't if I were you, Mary."

He said, "Because you're that fond of animals "and you'd see a rabbit in the road and you'd be up the hedge."

And I thought, "I better not."

I wouldn't now.

My God, if it was now, I'd say, "Oh, up you, I'm, I'm... I'm going to learn."

Oh, I might have been driving, though, mightn't I?

- I don't think you would, Mary, not now.

- You don't know.

You don't know.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah... - You don't know me.

- I don't think so.

- I'm very, I'm very strong-willed.

(drink pouring) MADDUX: Do you have any regrets for not letting her learn how to drive?

- No, I wish she could.

- You do regret it, then?

- You what?

- You do regret it-- I know I do.

- Yeah.

MADDUX: Why did you not let her learn how to drive?

- Well, she never wanted... Well, actually... - I did want it.

- ...there was a lady... - I think he didn't want me to because he didn't... He knew I'd have the car more than him, probably, he... That's what it is.

He thought, "Oh, she'll be wanting that car.

She'll be always driving."

(clock ticking) Yes, I, um... A lot of things in my life that... (clock ticking) MORRISON: Loneliness is part of the human condition, and so, we're never going to end loneliness, and we recognize that, but we have to understand it more, so... But accepting where you are is one start of that.

(thunder rumbling) (sirens wailing) It's Valentine's Day.

I walk by here and I wish somebody would buy me flowers.

And then I realize I can buy myself flowers.

But it's beautiful.

(people talking in background) ARI: It reinforces that you don't have another human with you.

- (speaks indistinctly) - Thanks so much.

And, and then eat chocolate, which, it's, like, I already love chocolate.

So I don't, you know, it's, like, sorry.

I didn't get me this time.

(rain falling) (shop bell ringing) It's like sweet and salty and bitter.

It's like everything in my heart.

(laughs) ARI: You, you just, like... "Love, couples, love, love, love.

You're alone, you're alone."

(Chopin's "Fantaisie-Impromptu" playing) As an artist, I can't really escape social media.

(piece playing on tablet) This desire to constantly highlight everything that's going amazingly well... (piece continues) You know, it's... It's, it is a recipe for loneliness.

(piece continues) (computer keys clacking) There is this endless, infinite pressure to constantly be posting, constantly be doing, and... And it's exhausting.

And I guess some people just don't struggle with the emotional repercussions of it.

But what do I do?

I'm checking everybody else's to see how many follow, you know, likes and comments they got.

I didn't get as many as other people, and so my brain immediately goes, "I'm a loser."

Like, "I'm..." I mean, it's just, like, how quickly it goes, like... "Look at them, look at that person."

It can really make me feel even more isolated and lonelier.

I mean, there's no doubt about it.

HOLT-LUNSTAD: The evidence on social media and loneliness, it's mixed.

And so we need to be careful about... ...claiming it's all good or all bad.

(laughs) TONY: Have you tried putting all of the social media stuff aside?

I'll share something just to get a little bit of feedback, and then, like, "Okay," but that's enough.

ARI: No, for me, I, it quickly becomes, "I have to go down..." I'm, like, in a, in a deep, deep validation rabbit hole.

And I just, you know.

- Oh, okay.

- It's, like... - You are a deep validation rabbit hole kind of person.

- Well, I mean... HUMAYRA: It's... For some people, it's, like, helped the loneliness.

KHILOUD: Mm-hmm.

HUMAYRA: But for others, it's, like, really lowered it, because you're... All of a sudden, you went from comparing yourself to, you know, people who you're surrounded with, like your friends and family or whatever, to comparing yourself to... - Everyone.

- ...everybody.

Like, that's really dangerous, especially with, like, our generation, and, like, that really, like, affects your mental health and stuff.

For me, it's, uh... - Yeah?

- ...when I'm walking down, like, Soho Road.

KHILOUD: I think my loneliness, I just made it, like, my mission, to... (chuckles) ...improve my confidence.

Like, if someone would start talking to me, I wouldn't try and avoid the conversation.

Like, I would just talk back.

Like, I would just put myself in, like, little situations that used to be hard for me.

I just started to say yes to a lot of things that challenged me.

So, I think this, this documentary would be one of them.

HUMAYRA: ...culture that you are surrounded by.

KHILOUD: Because this, it does feel, like, really personal.

I feel like I am Westernized, though.

KHILOUD: But at the same time, I would like to help other people, because I know that it's a real struggle.

You know?

And I, I would... I would love someone to hear my story and relate.

And if I help that one person, you know, I feel like it's worth it.

♪ MAN: It's time for all of us to recognize, as individuals and as a community, we need to do more.

REPORTER: California telling the state's 40 million residents to stay home.

REPORTER: Another six million people will be subject to the toughest COVID restrictions from Boxing Day, after the health secretary... REPORTER: New statewide mandates punishable by jail time by anyone traveling into Alaska.

KTVA 11's Daniella Rivera... TONY: Where has everybody gone?

REPORTER: Good evening-- tens of millions more Americans saw their world shrink to the walls of their homes.

That was the big news in New York today.

Also, in Connecticut, a couple... PERISSINOTTO: You know, what about the people that don't have anyone?

REPORTER: ...prompting warnings that tougher measures to force people to stay away from each other... MAN (on phone): Uh, so we're not doing any passenger journeys at all, because we can't keep a distance within the vehicles... (rain falling) HUMAYRA: I can stay at home for three weeks straight and not leave my room, and I'll, like, not be fazed by it, but then everybody around me will be, like, "Are you still alive?"

I really learned to enjoy my own company.

I think.

And during lockdown, it definitely put me back into that mindset of thinking that I'm smaller than everyone, that I'm just more insignificant.

(directional clicking) (brakes hiss) HUMAYRA: How was your holiday?

Did you... KHILOUD: My holiday was, uh, short.

HUMAYRA: Yeah?

KHILOUD: People and conversation just seem so foreign.

HUMAYRA: Mm-hmm.

KHILOUD: You know?

HUMAYRA: Yeah.

It feels, like, moving my mouth, like, I have to sit there and process, like... KHILOUD: Mm-hmm.

HUMAYRA: ...how to speak.

It's so weird-- like, everything seems foreign.

KHILOUD: I just get really anxious.

HUMAYRA: I get very anxious, yeah.

KHILOUD: You know?

Because the longer I go without interacting with people, the more I'm convinced that everyone is just against me and everyone hates me.

LIM: That vicious cycle is actually a theoretical model built on, on neuroimaging studies.

Lonely people were processing social information in a much more threatening way.

So, if you're processing that as stressful or threatening, you may be less social.

(Humayra talking indistinctly) LIM: You may show you're less interested.

You're less curious.

And when that happens, people read that as cues to disconnect.

HOLT-LUNSTAD: How do we get out of this negative spiral and into a positive spiral?

One line of research is looking at, at gratitude.

When we express gratitude to someone, we're unlikely to get a negative response in return.

(laughs) Right?

(cars passing, sirens wailing in distance) CAROL: I miss you guys!

This is all new to us, having to stay inside, but it's not new to you.

I wonder, do you have any advice for the rest of us?

CAROL: You know, there's no sense in worrying about something you can't do anything about.

You know?

COX: It's... If you can't get out, invite people around and then don't moan at them.

Um... Just thinking about my mum again.

And that's, that's what she did.

She would say, "Come round for a cup of coffee," and then they would say, "How are you?"

And she would go on and on and on about how lonely and upset and... And then they wouldn't go back again.

(birds calling) ANDREA: Somehow, just being outside makes me feel a part of the world, even though it doesn't involve any kind of people.

HOLT-LUNSTAD: There is evidence that spending time in nature has been associated with lower loneliness, going-- during the pandemic, going for walks outside was shown to be associated with lower loneliness.

PAULA: Would you like to see what it looks like when it's out?

HOLT-LUNSTAD: When we get outside, we are more likely to maybe see a neighbor, and we are reminded that we're part of a community.

There may also be something about connecting to something larger than yourself.

(wildlife chittering) ANDREA: I just think it's easier to connect with nature than it is to connect with people.

The sounds that come out of nature are calming.

It's not with people.

(dog barking in distance) You're going out in the mud?

- No, I'm coming up to you.

- (laughing): Oh, okay.

- It took a couple tries-- it was a little hill.

Up is hard.

ANDREA: As time's gone along, between the spinal cord injury and the, all the things that she has, extra things she has to do, Paula's walking has just gotten more and more challenging.

(object shifting) (grunts softly) REPORTER: ...the state's available hospital beds continue to disappear, health officials beg the public to stay home.

WOMAN: Do not gather.

Cancel your travel plans.

REPORTER: The vast majority of... PERISSINOTTO: We are now starting to see the health effects of this social neglect.

And I'm seeing this in my own patients.

I think this is teaching me even more the importance of connection.

And of, of developing it early and maintaining it, in whatever way you can.

(pans clanging) TONY: All right!

I'm out in the park, where every night, they've been making noise for the healthcare workers.

(car horn honks) People honk their horn.

But also just to be a part of instead of apart from.

(man shouting in distance) TONY: Come on!

Woo-hoo!

I can't do much, I want some... I wish I had some castanets.

(geese squawking, car horns honking in distance) (horns continue) I mean, in a normal situation, I would, that would not deter me from going outside.

Right now, I don't think that's a good idea.

(geese squawking loudly) I need to check in with people more because, like, I'm losing, I feel like I'm losing my mind.

(geese honking) (honking) There are a bunch of geese, and I normally hate geese.

I just think they're ass(bleep).

(honking) In every experience... I've never had a good experience with a goose.

Like, they're just dicks.

(geese honking) They hiss at everybody and (bleep) all over the place, and I'm just, like, "Good, pluck all their feathers, "like, make all the jackets, eat all the foie gras-- they're dicks."

(honking continues) I like ducks, I love ducks, but geese are dicks.

(honking continues) (cars passing) ANDREA: We basically lost the house to pay for medical.

(talking in background) REPORTER (on TV): Let's go to the evening update from the governor.

ANDREA: You just don't think things can happen that would put you homeless and disabled at 50.

REPORTER: ...to deal with coronavirus.

Kate, there are now 130... - I'm tired of this.

REPORTER: ...14 more than yesterday.

Two more cases here... Mm.

Well, I'm a fan of old movies, and I think of how our safety net was.

You know, them old movies?

(chuckling): And they fall through all the awnings or something.

(car horn honks in film, piano soundtrack playing) I think our safety net, unfortunately, was at the bottom floor.

We didn't have the one at the sixth floor and the fifth and the fourth and the third and the second and all that.

We hit the bottom.

There you go.

There's your dinner and some water.

(sizzling) I hurt.

And I've gotta change my med, my pump today.

I don't have any way to get away from the pain.

And when it gets to the point where I can't stand it and... I'm just having a, hard to handle.

PAULA: Mm-hmm.

This has made my isolation a lot worse.

You just don't know who you can call to say, "Hey, I need help today."

(sniffs, sighs) I think Paula would do much better if she just had some kind of a break.

PAULA: I love you.

ANDREA: I love you, too.

PAULA: We are going to Anchorage.

To Pride.

My first one.

(crowd cheering) WOMAN: Happy Pride!

(crowd cheering in distance) PAULA: It's not just taking care of Andrea that gets isolating.

It's this wheelchair.

(people talking in background) I didn't know it at the time, but going to Pride would change our lives.

(woman talking indistinctly) I was able to reconnect with people we had lost contact with.

WOMAN: Flags?

WOMAN: ...get some of that.

WOMAN: Ooh, yeah!

PAULA: If we had more friends, it might not feel so alone.

I'm not saying, "Oh, we could couch set..." You know, surf on this person's, but we might be able to network with somebody who could say, "Hey, you know what?

I know of somebody who's looking for a house setter."

Something, some sort of networking.

PERISSINOTTO: I will tell you that being pregnant during this pandemic is no joke.

Okay, we don't want to put too many things in the crib... Josh and I have experienced a very different part of loneliness and isolation that we didn't really anticipate.

¿Quieres comer un poquito?

(both making airplane noises) Zoom!

PERISSINOTTO: Going through this very exciting and personal time on our own is weird.

And it makes you realize how important family and friends and social connections are.

¿Quieres comer este?

(imitates chomping) (clicking tongue) REPORTER: It's 10:00.

Welcome to "The World Tonight."

The prime minister has said he intends to lift all COVID restrictions by the end of the month, making England the first country in Europe to scrap self-isolation rules.

We'll discuss the implications... WOMAN: Yeah, well, yes, yeah.

(Mrs.

Hill talking indistinctly) MRS.

HILL: Like going shopping.

WOMAN: Yeah, yeah.

MRS.

HILL: Of course, getting to places like that's awkward.

WOMAN: Yeah, well, especially where you are.

Yeah, yeah-- yeah.

MRS.

HILL: You know... I was sitting there having me coffee in Tesco one day, and she came to me and she said, "Do you mind if I come and sit by you?"

- Yeah, oh, I can imagine.

I said, "Well, yeah, come on, then.

Come and sit by me, if you want."

WOMAN: Have you been at the shops?

They closed the shops.

MRS.

HILL: Yeah.

I mean, it's bad for the people... HOLT-LUNSTAD: Over the pandemic, we've randomly assigned people to do small acts of kindness for their neighbors, and we asked them to do it once a week for a month.

And what we found was that doing these small acts of kindness actually resulted in reductions in loneliness.

MRS.

HILL: It's actually back into town.

WOMAN: Oh, good for you, yeah.

MRS.

HILL: I just caught the bus.

She still keeps coming, so... I thought, "Well, if you want to, you want to."

Yes, I'm very-- I'm sorry for everybody, but I'm sorry for the animals.

- Yeah.

MRS.

HILL: She thinks a lot of me.

She said, "I wish I'd've known you years ago."

♪ (people talking in background) PAULA: When I went down to Pride, that one little connection blew up into this group of friends.

Hi-- so, here we are.

We're headed out to Paula and Andrea's.

We were, we were so delighted that they thought to call us.

MAN: Yeah.

They got connected, and, uh, things started to turn around for them.

PAULA: And if we had made the effort, you know, way back, I don't think we would've had that level of isolation that we've had in the last few years.

MAN: And they've moved.

WOMAN: Yes.

MAN: They've got their own apartment.

WOMAN: Right.

FREDRIKSEN-GOLDSEN: If a person has three or more people in their life, it's very protective.

ANDREA: Are you coming?

FREDRIKSEN-GOLDSEN: Three people that they could call on in an emergency, that is a number that really seems to make a difference.

♪ REPORTER (on TV): 70% of adults in the U.S.

have now received at least one dose of the coronavirus vaccine.

President Biden had hoped to reach that goal by July... TONY: So, why, why do you use social media less now?

ARI: I actually feel better when I don't use them as much.

(chuckling): I mean, it's pretty simple.

Like... I feel less ashamed of feeling lonely when I'm not using social media.

If we had a better head start... ARI: You know, and it was interesting, too, like, I went from feeling the pressure of having to, like, out-pandemic everybody, like, "Look at all, like, I'm so creative, I'm thriving!"

And then at whatever point, the reality of, "Oh, we're gonna be in this for, like, a while."

(soft piece playing) I've had to sit with myself a lot.

(piece continues) Like, the most I've ever had to in my entire life.

(piece continues) I feel lucky to be alive.

(piece continues) I feel lucky.

TONY: Mm.

- Yeah, ask me tomorrow, and I'll just be, like, sobbing in a corner.

- (laughs) - You know what I mean?

But... (laughs) TONY: I think he's going to be okay.

I think I'm going to be okay.

You know what?

I'm not by myself anymore.

Families.

There are some tourists looking lost.

Then there's a little part of me, it's, like, "No, no, I like having it by myself."

♪ HUMAYRA: I don't know, I still have times where I want to socialize.

But I also have times where I do want to shut myself in a room, and that's okay.

Um, but there are times where being lonely hits hard.

(chuckles) And I'm only 17, so hopefully, you know, I can grow from that moment, I guess.

And whoever's watching this can kind of relate.

If you can, yeah, okay.

Thank you, bye.

(birds chirping) Kind of exciting.

- Mm-hmm.

(knocking) WOMAN: Hello!

WOMAN: It's been a long time coming, hasn't it?

WOMAN: I know, isn't it?

Oh, it has indeed.

WOMAN: Oh, my gosh.

WOMAN: My God, another person!

WOMAN: Hi!

ANDREA: When they came in the door, I was, like, "Oh!

"People!

Give a hug.

Contact."

PAULA: I got it.

WOMAN: Is that something you'd be interested in, Paula?

PAULA: What we would've done differently would've been reached out sooner, rather than, you know, just becoming more isolated.

Even in a small town, in a rural place, it's not too late to find other people that you can have common ground with.

- (laughing): Yeah, the first of several.

For sure.

WOMAN: Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, certainly.

PAULA: But you know, but we did it, so, and I guess it doesn't really matter when you do something.

It's just that you, you do it.

I think it was a blast.

It was fun.

- That was the most fun I've had in years.

- Yeah, that was just amazing.

- Yeah.

It was fun, wasn't it?

I remember it being, when we started filming this, I'm, like, "God, I'm, I'm sure I'm going to get critiqued "by some people on this film about my professional boundary issue."

(laughing) (door buzzer sounds) Hey, Carol.

PERISSINOTTO: And since I have no boundaries, I asked her if it was okay, um, you know, that I would love to come by and have her, you know, meet my daughter.

- (giggles) (Carol chuckles) Yes.

(laughs) PERISSINOTTO: Not bad, huh?

CAROL: That is so cute.

PERISSINOTTO: I don't really know if I'm supposed to be doing this, but I do it anyway, because I know it matters to my patient who happens to be my friend, too.

- Exactly-- many a time.

I'm not lonely.

I'm content.

Very content here.

MADDUX: Do you think that's the secret to not being lonely?

- Being content?

MADDUX: Yeah.

- Yeah, that could be it.

That could be it.

♪ PERISSINOTTO: If I was humble before of understanding this, I'm even more now, and realizing how complex of a topic this is.

And I guess from an individual standpoint, if you are feeling lonely, recognizing where that source of loneliness might be coming from and where you would desire to connect.

♪ VICTOR: I couldn't afford going to clubs and pubs to meet new friends.

And one of the counselors said, "I've heard of a group called Men in Sheds."

Morning, young man.

- Oh, hello.

VICTOR: All right?

MAN: Yes.

VICTOR: It's looking marvelously impressive, isn't it?

FRANK BUCKLEY: The main purpose of it is a meeting place for men, which is a workshop.

And obviously the, the people that are on their own and lonely, it's a good, great place for them to come.

VICTOR: It sounded good to me because it involved doing lots of things hands-on.

Women will talk face-to-face with each other.

You wouldn't get two men talk that way.

I'm far happier producing something with my hands.

I'm occupying myself.

The truth is, Ian, I couldn't afford the other two wheels.

(chuckles) VICTOR: If I didn't have that motivation, would I have just sat there?

KHILOUD (in phone video): My loneliness was basically, like, a big chunk of my life.

It's been unhappiness I've felt now and again... KHILOUD: Right now, I'm at a place where I can go up to strangers in the street and just start a conversation.

Like, I'm no longer scared of people.

I don't think of myself as lesser than other people anymore.

Um, and I think that was the core problem with me, which, looking back, no one was against me.

No one cared.

No one thought I was boring or ugly or annoying, because I didn't speak with anyone.

But now I can honestly say that if someone came up to me and told me that I was annoying, I would not care.

(laughs) And that feels really good to say.

Um, so thank you for listening.

I'm sorry this was long.

Um, I hope this helps you in some way.

Um... And, yeah, bye.

♪ ♪ ANNOUNCER: Loneliness can isolate anyone.

One connection can change that.

United Church Homes proudly supports "All The Lonely People" on public television.

ANNOUNCER: Support provided by the National Adult Protective Services Association, dedicated to protecting older and vulnerable adults.